Several years ago, I met Rebecca, the fifty-something sister of a woman in my community. Rebecca lived with mental disabilities, and during our brief encounter, she asked me the same question repeatedly: "Do you love me?"
That simple yet profound question stayed with me, sparking deep reflection. The impact of that meeting remains vivid in my mind, and I have shared my thoughts from it in an earlier journal entry. If you’d like to read more, here’s the link: https://www.fullbloomedlotus.com/post/page-eight-do-you-love-me
Rebecca has since passed on—taken by COVID—but her question still lingers in my mind, a gift that continues to unfold. Time and again, whether in private conversations or class discussions, I recognize the depth and universality of her simple yet profound inquiry. The longing to know we are loved—to be assured of it, and to feel inherently lovable—lies at the heart of our struggles and stories.
Throughout life, we anchor our worth in how we look, what we do, and how we think. We take on roles, appearances, and responsibilities, convinced that doing so will safeguard our love-lihood. But when the relationships we relied on shift, when love is withdrawn, or when the roles that once defined us slip away, the stability we clung to begins to crumble. In that raw vulnerability, we are left shaken, feeling disappointed—even betrayed— as we face the fundamental question: Am I still lovable if I am no longer looking the way I did, doing the things I did, or believing what I believed?
Rebecca, in her simplicity, did not have the capacity to distract herself from this question or to deflect from it with accomplishments or complicated analyses. She lived in the rawness of that inquiry, without the layers we often use to shield ourselves from it. And so, I wonder—do our so-called smarts, our carefully crafted identities, actually keep us from looking at what lies at the center of our own struggles?
As we return to this question time and again, it serves us to sit with it. Spiritual teachers remind us that this niggling question exists within us for a reason. In the early stages of life, we seek answers by finding reasons to be loved—through our achievements or people-pleasing choices. But ultimately, this question remains alive in us to guide us beyond the masks we wear. As Rainer Maria Rilke so beautifully advised, we are meant to “live the questions now,” allowing them to shape us rather than rushing toward easy answers. And so, this question urges us to ask: Who is the fundamental "I" that longs to be loved?
Over time, as we shed the external "I"-dentities tied to our body and mind, what remains is our undying spirit. And perhaps the real journey is not just to seek love, but to recognize and claim love for our essence—our truest self.
I like to refer to this truest self within as our inner child, our soul, our unique wave in the vast ocean of consciousness. When we turn our attention inward—learning to recognize this blend of human and divine within us—and shine the light of our love on ourselves, we come full circle. Many ancient traditions symbolize this journey with the Uroboros, the serpent devouring its own tail, representing the self-referencing cycle that leads us home, to Self-realization—the ultimate goal of the human journey.
As we reflect on love at this time of the year, perhaps the real question we need to sit with is: Do I love me? While Rebecca’s question — “Do you love me?” —reminds us of our deep longing to be loved, it is ultimately the love we cultivate for ourselves that forms the foundation for all other connections. When we embrace and nurture our own true essence, we can love others more freely.
This Valentine’s Day, let us honor the relationship we have with ourselves, and in doing so, open ourselves to the love that surrounds us, flows through us, and connects us all.
(If this reflection resonates with you, I invite you to join me on my YouTube channel, where I share more insights on this universal longing for love and what it means to truly embrace ourselves. Watch the full video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5XXF2_sJ6M and don't forget to like, share and subscribe to stay updated with more videos as I plan to post every week.)
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