page forty-seven: Footprints in My Inbox

Recently I got a notification from Yahoo telling me my mailbox had run out of space and I needed to upgrade my account. Taken aback, I checked how many emails I had managed to collect, and the number ran into five figures.

This account was opened back in 2008 by my then assistant, Ardath, who recommended we have an address where our "petals" could reach me. In all the years since, I had never once cleaned it out.

So I decided to start with the earliest emails and work my way forward, deleting as I went. That exercise turned out to be far more than I had bargained for.

It took me down memory lane. In those days email was our main line of communication, and today, with texting and Instagram and everything instant, email feels like the snail mail of yesteryear.

Reading through these old emails felt like I had stepped back into those times. There were messages from beloved people I had lost touch with, some who have since passed away, and others who are still part of my life.

Some were long and detailed, sharing what was happening at home or at work, while others were shorter, simply saying someone couldn’t make it to class that day. There were questions that had come up after our sessions, thoughts and insights people wanted to share, and so much more.

In the midst of it all, I found myself remembering so many of the gatherings that are now part of Full Bloomed Lotus's history: yoga offerings, kids’ meditation classes, drum circles, tarot readings, and Reiki sessions, to name some. There were also emails from women in our community sharing business ideas they were toying with, as they followed their own inspirations.

There were some more serious messages too - illnesses, losses, and struggles we shared with one another. As I read, I saw how woven into each other's lives we were and it brought to mind one of my favorite poems, Footprints in the Sand by Mary Stevenson, which I'm sure many of you know. In it, the dreamer walks along the beach with God as scenes from their life flash across the sky, each one marked by two sets of footprints. During the hardest times, however, only one set appears. When the dreamer asks why they were left alone when they needed help the most, God’s answer is that those were the times they were being carried. (You can read the full poem here.)

It is funny how ordinary exchanges from the past become so full of meaning when you look back on them from where you stand now. As I read through those emails, I realized that it was our deep and honest connections with one another that were the hands that carried us through. This is how the Creator supports us and lightens our burden.

Clearing the space in my inbox, I felt a renewed appreciation for the everyday exchanges that keep us connected.

Many of us keep a bucket list of the things we hope to do someday, but lately I’ve been hearing about the idea of a “reverse bucket list,” a practice of looking back and honoring all that we have already lived, accomplished, and experienced. Without meaning to, that is exactly what I had been doing as I sifted through my old inbox. It is a simple way to notice the richness of a life we are often too busy living to appreciate.

So I invite you to try it for yourself. Take a quiet moment to honor the joy, the learning, and the growth you’ve already experienced. Recall the names (or faces, if you’ve forgotten the names 😊) of those who walked beside you, and those who carried you along the way. Let the past be a treasure trove you dig into from time to time.

All this to say, thank you for every message you have sent me over the years. I had to delete them from my inbox, but they have found their place in my heart.